Karen Niles, an original member and dearest friend, died on Thursday, May 1st, Ascension Day. Unexpectedly, she had a rapid onset of leukemia that resulted in multiple strokes. She was 43 and is survived by her husband, Tim, and two boys, Jordan and Derek. We loved her beyond words. She was an incredibly kind and giving person and she loved God completely. Our loss is great, but she is now in the presence of our Lord and awaits us for the dawning of the New Creation.
Please pray for us during this difficult time.
Karen M. Niles age 43 of Hammonton, passed away May 1, 2008. Karen was born and raised in Wilmington, DE. After high school she attended University of Delaware for 1 year, she received missionary training at Hammonton based Life Mission Training Center in 1984. Her charitable work took her to Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, the Philippines, U.S. Virgin Islands and various U.S. locations. She served in a variety of capacities during her 24 years with Life Mission, mainly focusing on administration, worship and hospitality. Karen loved God and people. Her smile brought joy to everyone she met. She tirelessly served people. She enjoyed birding, music, and reading, but her greatest joy was loving, serving, and knowing people. Her absence has left a giant hole in the life and hearts of her family and friends. Her presence will always be felt as she now lives out her life before the face of God. Karen is survived by her husband Timothy Niles, her sons Jordan and Derek at home, her mother Helen Wolfe and her sister Kathy Saffouri. Family and friends are invited to attend her viewing Tues. eve 5:00pm with services at 7:30pm at Life Mission Fellowship, 111 8th St Hammonton. Donations may be made in lieu of flowers to Life Mission Fellowship (PO Box 467 Hammonton, NJ 08037) for the creation of a memorial garden in Karen’s memory. Arrangements by Marinella Funeral Home Hammonton 609-561-1311 (www.marinellafuneralhome.com).
Spring has sprung and we are enjoying the lovely blossoms. Singing Joyful, Joyful this morning in our devotions, I had fresh appreciation for the words, “Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee.” God’s loveliness opens our hearts and changes us.
Joyful, joyful, we adore thee, God of glory, Lord of love; hearts unfold like flowers before thee, opening to the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; drive the dark of doubt away. Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day!
Recently I’ve been thinking about forgiveness. In community there are many opportunities to practice forgiveness. Alec Brooks, who visits us from time to time, shared with us this last week on this very topic. His message was a blessing to us and confirms the things we were seeing about forgiveness. The main idea is that forgiveness is not a duty that devoted Christians must do, but a natural expression of a life of grace. The key is seeing everything in terms of relationships versus having a legal outlook.
Here are a few quotes from Alec’s messages (they may not be exact quotes):
Forgiveness transforms people. If we treat forgiveness legally it’s over in a moment. Forgiveness is not about getting the slate wiped cleaned, it’s about transforming our relationships.
It’s never about spiritual bookkeeping. It’s about the grace of God which is personal and relational.
The primary image for forgiveness is manifesting and sharing redemptive grace. Grace is about intended well-being for the other. To forgive someone is to intend them good. The grace I’ve received I extend to you.
Forgiveness takes the person seriously and values the person. It says that I want to be in relation to you and I’m willing to pay the cost so our relationship can be restored.
We’re blessed to have a new member of our community, Hannah Robinson Poat. Sam & Kelcy’s bundle of joy came into the world on February 29, 2008 (a leap year baby!) at 5:29 a.m. At 7 lbs 1 oz. and 20 1/2 inches she greeted the world in good health and instantly became the delight of all the community.
What is forgiveness? I always kind of had the thought that forgiveness was what you did when you were wronged, a duty you owed people because you’re a Christian. But now I see that forgiveness is nothing more than a side-effect of a choice to not conduct my relationships in a legal fashion, to not relate to people in a rights and duties posture. Forgiveness just is an expression of living generously and going for communion rather than contract in my relationships.
Seeing the gospel through a relationship lens, rather than a legal one, changes everything. Sin is a relational problem not a legal one. Community is at the heart of God and is the focus of the Kingdom message. The liberty that salvation brings means genuine communion. Forgiveness is the healing mechanism between Kingdom citizens when relationships are broken. Because we no longer relate to others out of a concern that our account remains balanced, we are free to pardon any transgressions against us since union is our goal.
Forgiveness is the sometimes difficult, but reasonable (and even joyful) response to an injury for someone seeking to live out the Kingdom vision.
Here are more pictures for the completed building! Even though there are five families living in five similar floor plans, each one has a unique look. We are all enjoying the different tastes evident in the wall colors, carpets, pictures, and furniture that each family has chosen. The central hallway makes it easy to stop by and visit, and we are enjoying the increased interaction and fellowship.
Easter is a busy time, so I haven’t been able to post much lately. But the good news is that our building renovations are complete! We received our approvals and are all moved in. Later I will post a bunch of pictures to show the beautiful work in all its glory, but for now here are a couple shots.
When American Express coined the advertising phrase, “Membership has its privileges,” they were explaining a fundamental principle that governs human relationships. Privilege should be commensurate to commitment. In other words, a person should be rewarded for her commitment. And conversely, one shouldn’t enjoy special benefits if he is uncommitted. This principle can be captured in the phrase, “Equitable Privilege,” or more simply, “Commitment Reward.”
Sin can be seen as a violation of “commitment reward.” For example, if I steal a candy bar from the store I am seeking to enjoy a privilege (the candy bar) without having to make a commitment (paying for it). In relationships, if I demand intimacy with someone I am not committed to I am pursuing an inequitable privilege. I want a reward (closeness) without the cost (commitment). This is why sex outside of marriage is wrong.
In my previous post I listed six “C’s” that are crucial for having relationships that are close. In essence, these six “C’s” are explaining “commitment reward.” They clarify what are the conditions and costs of friendship. It is simply unreasonable, and unethical, to expect or demand closeness in a relationship if we don’t fulfill the necessary commitments that make friendship possible. No matter how you look at it, this natural law governs relationships.
Community is fundamentally about creating friendships. This won’t happen by magic. It’s only as we purposefully commit to being the kind of people that trust and love others that our friendships grow, and as a result, we’ll see the will of God done on earth as it is in heaven.
Mike Mason says in Practicing the Presence of People, “Over the centuries many spiritual books have been written on love, but little has been written on friendship. The reason, I believe, is that church people generally know little about it. Compared to such great concerns as sound doctrine, evangelism, prayer, worship, and ministry, friendship does not seem so important. But the truth is that friendship is the foundation for all the rest. Without it the church will never accomplish her mission on earth.”
Pursuing friendship with each other in the church embodies the kingdom vision. As a church we are to model now the kind of relationships that will characterize the New Creation. If we can’t live out the values of the Sermon on the Mount with each other, I’m not sure what message we have to offer. But how do you pursue friendship? What are the key components of a close relationship?
I see six “C’s” that are crucial for having relationships that are close:
Confidence This is the most important one. It is faith in the other person, trust in their character, and an absence of accusation. If you secretly hold an opinion that I am a bad person or have dark motives, that’s going to put a damper on our relationship. Conversely, if you believe in me and trust that my intentions are good, even though you acknowledge that I may have flaws (and even sinful attitudes at times), our relationship can flourish. Confidence is about being on one another’s “side.”
Commitment Commitment is loyalty and constancy toward the other person. It’s standing with them through the thick and the thin. It’s not about “hanging tight” in the good times, when things are going well, when there are no misunderstandings and problems. It’s about “hanging tight” in the bad times, when things aren’t going well, when you feel injured or offended. Commitment is the bond that holds two people together when everything else won’t. It’s making the vow of friendship override negative emotions and circumstances. It’s sticking close like glue. If I know you’ll be there tomorrow, then I’ll be free enough to be the real me, and that kind of vulnerability creates closeness.
Confidentiality This is openness and honesty with the other person. Disclosure, as mentioned above, is the stuff intimacy is made of. If you let me into the secret chamber of your heart, and show me the precious jewels of your life, how can I not feel close to you? If you have nothing to hide, no secret agenda, no manipulative maneuvering, then I know I am safe with you and will respond in kind. On the other hand, if you play your cards close to the vest, keep your true motives hidden, lie or deceive me, then the chance that we’re going to be close is nil. Most people are not into allowing others into their holy of holies when they are kept in the outer court of the Gentiles.
Change Love demands we change. We must be willing to adapt to others and grow as a loving person. As we encounter the contours of each other’s personality we must allow ourselves to be shaped by those contours. If I know you hate being teased, even though I love teasing, I will have to change if I want to retain your love. If something is important to you, even though it isn’t naturally important to me, I must make it important to me if I want to be close to you. Additionally, if our relationship is to develop, I will have to be on the path of maturity. I will need to progress in kindness, consideration, and selflessness.
Care We cherish people by actually doing things that contribute to their welfare. Acts of blessing and meeting needs and desires demonstrates our care. Your care for me means I am safe with you. You want my good. This will cause me to see you as a friend and someone I can draw near to. If you are a source of blessing and welfare I will naturally be attracted to you. If you are a source of pain and loss, however, I will naturally be repelled.
Concern I can’t be close to you if I don’t know you. Knowing and valuing the likes, dislikes, joys, and sorrows of another is fundamental to friendship. Friends rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. They familiarize themselves with their friend’s interests and learn to enjoy and appreciate those interests too. How can you like me if you don’t “like” what I like? How can you value me, if you don’t value what I value? This doesn’t mean if I am to be your friend I must savor mint chocolate chip ice cream because you do. But I must at least appreciate mint chocolate chip ice cream and see it as a source of joy for you, and in this way “like” it. Also, if you have another friend whom you love, I can’t hate them and still be your friend. I may not enjoy being around them or I may see something in them that is distasteful, but because they are your friend I must honor, respect, and do them no harm. And I should try to appreciate them as you do.
Generally, the more that these six “C’s” are present in a relationship the closer that relationship will be. And if it’s true that friendship is the foundation for the mission of the church, then developing these six “C’s” should be our priority.
