Besides being a pastor at our Fellowship one of my other duties includes software development. I’ve learned a lot about life from coding software. One concept that has me thinking lately is a practice called “rendering”. Rendering is how data is interpreted or “rendered” by a process. In all software are routines or processes, sometimes called functions, that accomplish some task. Often those processes need input or data to perform work on. For example, you can tell a process your age, weight, sex, and other details about your life and it then can calculate how much of an insurance risk you are. But in order to do this accurately, the process must not mistake your age for your weight. It must “render” the input values accurately.
Here’s another example. Suppose a process needs some date information. How you enter the date needs to be understood by the process. It does this through a renderer. The renderer uses a mask to interpret the date. If the mask is, “MM/DD/YYYY”, then the renderer knows that you will enter the date in this format: “08/10/2007”. If, however, you are a European you may enter the date like so, “10/08/2007”. The day and the month are reversed, but the renderer doesn’t know that, so it thinks you are saying October 8th, 2007, not, August 10th, 2007!
What does all this have to do with life? Well, each one of us has a renderer in our head. We hear things according to our own ideas, judgments, and experience. This is especially true when listening to others. They may say, “You are a real friend,” meaning that they look up to you and appreciate how loyal and kind you are. If, however, you have had bad experiences in other relationships, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or are harboring unforgiveness in your heart, you might hear, “You are a real friend,” with a spin of sarcasm, meaning, that they are upset and berating you. Our renderer can get us into a lot of trouble.
What are we to do? How can we get our renderer to interpret accurately what others say and mean? The first step is to admit that only the person giving us the data can provide an accurate rendering. In other words, we don’t really know what people are saying. “To come to know other people, we must begin by admitting that we do not know them,” says Mike Mason. He goes on to say, “…by abrogating what we know already, we gain the advantage of acquiring new knowledge. We enter the sacred precincts of mystery. Each contact with another person now becomes an opportunity for surprise, for brand-newness, for rich delight, and for the gaining of wisdom.”
Judging one another means holding on to an inaccurate renderer. To love means giving up our prejudices, judgments, and faulty renderer.
Here’s an exercise that prevents an enormous waste of time. Not only does it prevent a loss of your most precious commodity – time, it makes you happier, more pleasant to be around, and stay closer to reality. It has to do with how we think about our mistakes and blunders, and even more importantly, how we think others think about our mistakes or blunders.
The exercise is simply this:
Next time you make a mistake, act irresponsibly, forget something important, etc., OR do something that others could perceive as a mistake, irresponsible, forgetful, etc., choose to believe that no one is really thinking about it or have even noticed it that much, if at all.
This could be very difficult if you’re in the habit of worrying about what people think about you. But try it. Force your mind to believe that most people aren’t condemning you. The fact is that we are usually so caught up in our own worries and concerns that we don’t think much about the failures (or supposed failures) of others. We’re just too busy with our own things.
Do people judge us and condemn us sometimes? Of course, but it is much less than we usually think.
“If we can simply be sad, there is hope. Sadness is the appropriate response to looking our poor, miserable selves square in the eye, denying nothing yet refusing to condemn. Sadness is the sign that we are finally giving up on trying to atone for our own sin. Sadness is the beginning of mercy. We cannot be merciful towards others until we become tender with ourselves.”
In May we began an experiment in our community. We have friendships with several other intentional communities and one thing many of them have in common is the practice of not having televisions in their homes. All of them watch movies and various programming. None of them think TV is an evil in and of itself, but they recognize the seductive power of television and have chosen to limit its influence by not having it so freely available. Usually, they will have corporate times, either at dinner or in the evening, of watching selective programming together.
Every community member I’ve ever talked to about this practice has emphatically agreed that this is one of the best policies they ever adopted. I’ve never heard anyone in another community complain about it or feel like they are being limited by a “no TV” policy. In fact, the only ones I’ve ever heard raise concerns about a policy like this are from those who’ve never lived in community.
It hasn’t been in our tradition to have a “no TV” policy. All of our families have TVs, computers, video games, and Internet access. We’ve talked a lot about limiting “electronic entertainment” and being good stewards of our time. Our families are generally very careful about this and manage the electronic medium well. Nonetheless, at one of our recent members’ meeting in April, the idea came up to go “unplugged” for the month of May. Even though most of us felt that we’ve been responsible in our consumption of electronic entertainment, there has been a general feeling that perhaps we spend too much time watching the Tube or playing computer games. So, we went on an electronic fast and the results are just amazing.
At our last members’ meeting people testified about how much reading they’ve been getting done, the quality of fellowship they’ve been enjoying, the clarity of mind they’ve been experiencing, how they’re getting to bed earlier, and the change in attitude and behavior of the children. I have found myself, after a tiring day, tempted to just watch something, but because that wasn’t an option, I read or spent time with my kids or fellowshipped with my friends or wife. I thought I was a relatively disciplined person and not addicted to electronic entertainment. But I’ve been deceived. The fact that it was a policy we agreed to, and not just an option under my control, made this revelation possible for me.
I’m seeing that this whole thing has to do with the difference between pleasure and happiness, a concept I learned from Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Pleasure comes from a short-term, instant gratification activity, like eating a donut. Whereas, happiness comes from activities that are more long-term, meaningful, and usually relationally oriented, like fellowship or playing with your kids. Electronic entertainment, with its easy accessibility, sensory appeal, and inherently passive method of engagement pretty much qualifies as a pleasure activity. Pleasure isn’t necessarily bad, it just shouldn’t be our main pursuit.
Well, with the experiment over we have decided to keep thinking about how to manage our electronic entertainment. We’re going to try a few policies and guidelines this summer and see what works best. I’ll blog in the fall about what we finally decide.
Heidi and Jared are one of our couples who, like many others in society, are unable to have children. Community provides an opportunity to fill some of the gap left by infertility. This recent Mothers Day had a wonderful blessing in store for Heidi.
I was musing about this Mothers Day as I arranged silk flowers for our community’s summer mantle. What a strange mix of a day it had been. It started with the realization that I really don’t like Mother’s Day. Ugly sentiment, isn’t it? Especially since I have a great Mother and am surrounded by friends who mother their children in incredible ways. So what an opportunity to affirm these women and the way they give of themselves for their children. And I was trying to focus on this today. NOT the thought that I would like to be a mother or “maybe next year I’ll be a mother” or “I wonder if I’ll ever be a mother”.
I was moderately successful at refocusing because one’s mind can repeat the same mantra for only so many years before one reaches a state of nausea. And not nausea from morning sickness, either. From sick and tiredness of mourning. Surrounded by a wonderful husband and a group of friends who love and nurture me, I didn’t want to waste another day in the downward spiral of self-pity.
Thankfully, God helped bring new light into the day through what two people shared in our Sunday service. First Butch thanked God for his wife, but also for all the ways his children have mothered by many people in community other than his wife. Then Betty talked about Jesus has won the victory over death – including any loss involved in giving your life away.
It all came back to me then. The memory of the fear of being alone and rejected that haunted me when I was single. And how Jesus carried me through those years so tenderly that in the end I was able to embrace singleness as a beautiful calling. Now that was miraculous! He triumphed over my fears and made “ a home for the lonely” (Ps. 68:6), surrounding me with these families here in community.
In the light of that, how ridiculous this fear of missing out on motherhood is. I am surrounded by children to mother. He gave me these maternal longings not to frustrate me, but as a gift to give away. I saw these last 16 years of loving and teaching and playing with the children here in a more intimate light. My Father doesn’t call those years barren. And even though I haven’t always opened my eyes to the beauty of the opportunities before me, I have loved these babies. Last year I saw the preschoolers I taught when I first came graduate from High School. They’ve always called me “Aunt Heidi”. And being a part of this rich family has been more than just a role. But in today’s service I started to realize that I am an honorary mother, also.
At a break in our service one of my friends came up and thanked me for mothering her through the years. I held her and cried, remembering holding her as a nine-year-old and appreciating the dear friend she has grown to be. I also knew this was an affirmation of what God was saying to me. Maybe Mother’s Day wasn’t so dreadful after all!
So here I was at the end of the day putting all of this together as I arranged flowers. And I wished I had an outward way of recognizing this Mother’s Day as a new beginning in the way I saw mothering. Since my husband was traveling today, I wanted someone to share this newness with. Then in came five of the teens with beautiful flowers and a Mother’s Day card for me. “We wanted to thank you for being a mother to us all these years,” they said. Wow. I was stunned and amazed. How did they know? I hugged them and blubbered out thank-yous and told them they couldn’t possible know how much this meant to me. How incredible, that they would do such a lovely thing on this day.
After they left I was free to cry out my praise to God. He has seen me be an emotional basket case before and isn’t embarrassed by it! How like my Father to pour out blessings on me in this loving and generous way. I have spent many years longing to be a mother and have been one all this time to these children. What delicious irony! In God’s economy I discovered today that I am not barren at all. I am a Mother. Incredible.
“He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord” Psalm 113:9
Those silk flowers I was working on might need to be redone. You see it has a wildly ecstatic feel to the end of it – far too unconfined for a floral arrangement. I had to take out this exuberant joy on something! And I think I’ve changed my mind about Mother’s Day, after all.
One of the blessings and challenges in community is growth. Often that growth involves families expanding through the birth of children. As a community of hospitality we welcome these “strangers” into our midst with love and joy. Part of that welcoming also involves expanding our housing, which we’ve been intensely doing for about a year now.
We’ve been renovating one of our buildings to make room for our families and other guests whom God may bring our way. Our “back building” (we need to come up with a better name) will now house five families. The renovation will create two 3-bedroom apartments and three 2-bedroom apartments. Originally, the building was designed as dorm housing for singles. We still have a number of singles, but we are short on apartments for families, hence, the renovation.
Here’s some before and after pictures:
Side A:
Side B:
Gable:
We love the high ceiling and the dormers…
…and the bay windows
Some inside shots:
We can’t thank God enough for seeing us through this project!
Over Spring Break, the 4th through 6th grades were led in an egg drop project by our principal, Butch Harding. The task they were given was a three-headed problem. First, they had to make a device that would be capable of protecting an egg from a twenty-three foot drop. Second, they had to make their design capable of being able to hit a certain target on the ground when dropped. Third, their design had to have a “coolness” factor, meaning their device had to have class (versus a hodge-podge of drinking straws, Styrofoam, and tape). For the construction of their designs, the students were allowed to take from a variety of scrap materials that have been lying around, such as cardboard, soda cans, PVC pipe, etc.
In the end, the children came up with some very creative designs, including parachutes, planes, and rocket ships. When put to the test, all of the designs were able to keep their egg from breaking. As for the target, all landed very close, but no one was able to hit it straight on. All of the students thoroughly enjoyed the project and are looking forward to a few similar activities that are being planned for them this summer.
Cho Seung-Hui was somebody’s son. He had grandparents and other relatives. As a child, he played with toys and explored his neighborhood. As a teen, he probably had caught the eye of a girl or two and surely dreamed about love more than once. The tragedy of 9/11 unfolded as he took his first steps into adulthood, and perhaps he was terrified that day like so many of us. A resident alien in the Land of Opportunity, he entered a fine university with expectations of achievement and success.
Cho Seung-Hui killed 33 people yesterday. He injured many others. He has been described as a loner. He will, however, forever be part of this group of 33. Unable to find membership with others in life, he now finds it in death. His aloneness has created aloneness for others. I think about the fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, friends and families of the victims – their grief incalculable, their loss irreversible. They now have to deal with being alone. Hopefully, they won’t become loners.
We were never meant to be alone. We were made for community. It’s a sad commentary that we can be alone even in the midst of a multitude, like a university campus. Relationships, friendships, and family are too precious to be ignored because of busyness, preoccupation, or ambition. Communion is too important to be neglected because of a careless word, a thoughtless action, or a selfish choice. Love is costly and must not be postponed. The consequences are just too terrible.
Evil can only be overcome by goodness. If someone had treasured Cho Seung-Hui, enjoyed him, forgiven him, and loved him, maybe we wouldn’t be facing this nightmare. We can learn one thing from the Virginia Tech massacre: treasure those around you today. Tolerate their idiosyncrasies, delight in their uniquenesses, listen to their stories, share in their pain. The most noble thing we can do is build relationships of love. And maybe, just maybe, we can prevent the kind of aloneness that devastates our society.
“Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.” – Luke 23:43
I wonder what went through the mind of the thief on the cross when Jesus told him that today he would be with the Lord in paradise. If it was your average twenty-first century American Christian I can imagine several possibilities.
The first one that comes to mind would be an image of a white-robed saint blissfully playing a harp on a cloud in a setting of stark white nothingness. How many times on TV have we seen that one? Or possibly, a happy-go-lucky fellow skipping along on a gold-bricked street in a moneyless world. Which begs the question about what attraction gold would really have if it isn’t worth anything; and I’m pretty sure there are better road construction materials available in paradise.
How about the picture of a huge ornate mansion with a single lone occupant? Even with biblical support for this notion (John 14:2), I fail to see the thief finding much comfort from the idea of eternally living on his own no matter how nice the pad is. With the size of families going down and the size of houses going up these days, I think a whole lot of people are going to feel the same way, especially since the time required to pay off these enormous mortgages approximates eternity.
But the top vision of paradise for many Christians is probably the mental image of a disembodied spirit floating around among other disembodied spirits, none of which remember or recognize each other from their former lives. I guess that could be considered paradise if your church relationships aren’t all that good.
With all these funny images of heaven in our minds, is it possible to really know what Jesus meant by paradise? Fortunately, there are clues in the Bible about what God thinks paradise is. Firstly, He created Adam and Eve in a place of paradise, it was called Eden. Secondly, Jesus explicitly described in His earthly ministry what God’s kingdom (paradise) was like. And lastly, the Apostle John gives us dramatic pictures of the consummation of the ages in the book of Revelation. From these sources we can form a pretty thorough concept of the paradise Jesus promised.
Eden was a place of community. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit made mankind in Their own image, an image characterized by fellowship. Adam and Eve’s love for each other reflected the love of the Trinity. Eden was first and foremost the scene of divine communion. Paradise will be an environment of community.
Adam and Eve’s wardrobe can tell us a little about paradise. Their nakedness represented complete honesty and openness. It’s hard to keep secrets while letting it all hang out. They were who they were – no lies, no pretenses. Paradise will be an honest and truthful environment.
Being created unashamed meant that Adam and Eve had no guilt, no fear, and no shame. They accepted and enjoyed their humanity. God said being human was very good. With all their limitations, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities, Adam and Eve were at peace with themselves. Paradise will be a peaceful environment.
In Luke four, Jesus describes His mission as preaching the good news to the poor, release to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, and freedom to the downtrodden. He proclaimed the favorable year of the Lord. Everywhere Jesus went he spoke of the Kingdom of God. This is the message of paradise our Lord brought.
Poverty robs people of so many things. The good news is that in God’s kingdom no one will suffer from poverty. Like the early Jerusalem church, in God’s kingdom there will be no needs among His people. Paradise will be a prosperous environment.
The lame walk, the blind see, and the prisoners are set free. Paradise will be a place free from sickness, bondage, and oppression. God’s people will flourish and their welfare and blessing will be eternal. We will finally be whole. Paradise will be a wholesome environment.
The favorable year of the Lord…all will know God’s favor and be loved for who they are. No one will be lonely or alone. Rejection and self-hate will be unknown. Familial love and warmth will permeate the very atmosphere of paradise. Paradise will be an accepting environment.
The Apostle John says, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, ‘Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.’ And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.'”
We live in a faded beauty. We know only a diminished world. God will reverse all this and restore everything to perfection. Nature, relationships, sounds, smells, tastes, joy, celebration will all be promoted to its original glory. He will make a new heaven and a new Earth…all things He will make new. Paradise will be a restored environment.
Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them. Heaven and Earth will kiss. The dwelling place of God will be among men. Body and soul will be integrated. There will be no secular and sacred divide. All will be sacred. Paradise will be a spiritual environment.
A line from old chorus, based on Isaiah 51, goes like this, “Therefore the redeemed of the LORD shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.” God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. The devil will be defeated and all things that make for sadness will be destroyed. If we had to say just one thing about paradise it would be this: Joy, eternal joy. Paradise will be a joyful environment.
Paradise:
A place of community
An honest and truthful place
A peaceful place
A prosperous place
A wholesome place
An accepting place
A restored place
A spiritual place
A joyful place
The thief on the cross probably knew the scriptures. And he had some understanding about the ministry and message of Jesus since he rebuked the other criminal for his foolish insults. Hearing those loving words, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise,” he died a happy man.
